


porque eres mi flor

by koganewest



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Dan loves Phil, F/M, Illness, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, and sick, au - hanahaki!phan, dan is sad, hanahaki, phil is with a woman, this is a translation!!!, this is not my original writing!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 10:28:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koganewest/pseuds/koganewest
Summary: Dan isn't suprised to find the yellow petal in his hand, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.





	porque eres mi flor

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of ['Cause You're My Flower](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13406583) by [Future_he4rts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Future_he4rts/pseuds/Future_he4rts). 



> this is a translation!! originally written in spanish by [Future_he4rts!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Future_he4rts/pseuds/Future_he4rts)  
> here is a link to her wonderful fic! ['Cause You're My Flower](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13406583)
> 
> once again,,, this is not my writing! all credit goes to @Future_he4rts!

**Hanahaki: A fictitious disease where the sufferer coughs flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. Hanahaki can only be cured by surgery where the infection is removed, but any romantic feeling is removed along with it. It can cause death if the petals block the airways, preventing the passage of air.**

Their whole lives it had just been the two of them. Dan and Phil. Phil and Dan. 

They knew each other like the back of their hand and, in nineteen years of being friends, they had never been apart. Sure, they’d had stupid little fights when they were younger, but it was always fixed easily. Their mothers would force them to hug and forgive each other.

They had been there for each other during the most difficult times, like when Phil’s father had died. He had refused to leave his room or eat anything. It was Dan that consoled him, hugged him tight, until he fell asleep in his arms, finally getting some rest. It was Dan who held him at three in the morning when he would wake up screaming, crying, from a nightmare. In turn, it was Phil laid down beside Dan when he chose the floor as a place to have an existential crisis. He wouldn’t speak. He knew his best friend was being too hard on himself. He wouldn’t say a word until he felt he needed to, when Dan would tremble and shake, when Phil couldn’t take the silence.

For these and many other reasons, Dan was not too surprised when he coughed one day, and what fell in his hand was a small yellow petal. 

They had been laughing at something witty Phil had said. That day in particular had been filled with mostly laughter. Dan had a gentle hand on Phil’s shoulder. Spring was just around the corner, and Dan could not be happier. He had Phil by his side, who had been more affectionate lately than they usually were. Dan used to be scared of his future, but he’s much more reassured now. He thinks he can have a future with Phil.

As he dried tears from his eyes, he realized Phil had gone silent. His head was turned in another direction, staring, so Dan followed his gaze to a girl who, judging by her accent, was from a different country. She was tall and gorgeous, with a body even Dan envied, and legs that went on for miles. Dan coughed a bit. And there it was. Mocking him.

No, Dan thought, staring down at the first yellow petal in his hand, this can’t be happening. Everything had been great. This can’t be happening, Phil can’t. He can’t. But it seemed like he…

He looked around with the slight hope that they were stood near a florist, or that someone on the street had a yellow bouquet, or a window open that was blowing these stupid yellow petals his way.

Nothing. The yellow petal came from him. 

Now, he felt tears burning his eyes, but he refused to cry. Phil could not find out anything was wrong. He clutched the flower petal tightly in his hand and tucked it into his pocket. Phil would not find out. 

And, as if the world was conspiring against him, Phil turned toward him. “Everything okay?” He questioned. Dan nodded and gave his best smile. He couldn’t be around Phil any longer though, so he made up a quick lie about having to meet his mother. 

He kissed Phil on the cheek before leaving, as customary for the two boys. He tried to ignore the way Phil flinched away from him. He tried to pretend it didn’t hurt. 

Once he left the main town area, he ran and ran until his legs burned and his lungs gave out. He felt the flowers in his throat so he quickly descended the stairs to a bathroom where he threw up about a dozen petals. He knew exactly what was happening. 

Hanahaki. He had this stupid disease.

He wasn’t going to tell Phil. He couldn’t tell Phil that he was suffering. It wasn’t Phil’s fault that Dan didn’t love him back. It was his happiness or Phil’s. And if Phil’s happiness was in the foreign girl, then he would learn to accept it. He would give anything for Phil. He would not force him to return the love he felt, just to stop the the flower growing in his lungs and the spines in his heart. 

He rested his arm against the edge of the wall and laid his head on it. Everything hurt. Everything burned. Physically and emotionally. 

He eventually got up to go to bed, and fell asleep almost instantly. 

Three weeks passed. Dan spent a lot of the time in the bathroom. When anyone asked, he just explained that he had a stomach bug or an allergy. However, most people saw right through it. Hanahaki was fairly common. Phil seemed to be the only person who didn’t catch on. He did glance worriedly at him from time to time, but this was only when Lucy wasn’t around. 

And as time passed, Dan and Phil grew apart. They didn’t fight, they just didn’t spend any time together. Dan blames it on how poorly he feels nowadays and the excessive time Phil spends with Lucy. 

Dan believed he could endure the pain of the disease. He did not want surgery. It would be more painful for him to lose his feelings for Phil. As long as his heart beat for Phil, it didn’t matter how much he got hurt along the way. 

Until one day it was too much. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. 

He was in town when he spotted Phil. He was with Lucy. He watches Phil pull her close to him, one hand on her cheek, another hand on her chin and kissed her. Dan let out a desperate sob, louder than he’d hoped, and left for home running. The noise Dan made seemed to bring Phil out of trance as he called after Dan. 

Dan didn’t stop running until he reached their shared flat, leaving the front door wide open. He locked the bathroom door just before coughing up many, many petals. 

A dozen was nothing compared to this. He had never vomited so many flowers. And he had definitely never vomited blood. 

He was more scared than he’d ever been before. It felt like he was being stabbed mercilessly in his heart and his lungs, but he couldn’t tell whether it was the flowers or Phil that was causing the pain inside him. The air had left his lungs and he couldn’t stop coughing. He was crying, sobbing, screaming desperately in pain as he coughed and coughed. His knuckles were white with tension as he gripped the toilet in front of him. 

There was only one thing in Dan’s head, and that was his name, his name, Phil, Phil, repeated over, over. He didn’t want to blame Phil for what he was feeling, but he couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault. If Phil had returned the feelings, he wouldn’t be suffering. 

Dan assumed this was the price of loving him. 

He listened to his voice outside the bathroom door, pleading, please open the door, please tell me you’re okay. Dan couldn’t open the door. He couldn’t respond. He didn’t have the strength to get himself off the door. He couldn’t stop coughing up the bloody petals. 

If his other half didn’t love him, how could he live? 

He felt the knocking start to fade and Phil’s voice got quieter. All he wanted was to close his eyes and sleep. 

So when the coughing subsided, he did. 

He laid his head on the cold floor, which was spotted with his own blood, and slept. 

His heart had betrayed him. Who would’ve thought that the organ that kept him alive was what would be killing him slowly, painfully. That what kept you here and alive was what made you want to not be. Who would’ve thought lungs could make you feel so drowned. That beautiful flowers were what suffocated you. 

Phil eventually breaks the knob on the door and rushes into the bathroom, frightened by the silence. He couldn’t believe the image in front of him. 

The floor that was once white was now covered in blood and yellow petals. Dan was lying unconscious in the center. His lips were covered in blood, he was pale, and there were tear tracks down his face. The expression on his face, of pain and of peace, evoked a strange feeling of beauty. The beauty of one suffering in silence for who they love. 

And that was when it all made sense to Phil. 

Dan was in love with him. 

That seemed to snapped Phil out his trance. All of the sudden, he realized the severity of the situation and leapt for Dan’s body, holding him tight in his arms.

“Shit, Dan, you have to wake up, please! You can’t leave me! I’m nothing without you, Dan, you know it! Please, come on, wake up! Please, I’ll learn to love you if it keeps you here with me. Please don’t abandon me, Dan, please!”

He lifted Dan up and held him to his chest, afraid that if he let go, he would disappear.

How could he be so blind? How could he not notice? Why does it hurt so much that he’s gone? Why does it feel as if his heart is being torn from his body? Maybe Phil had loved Dan, but was too distracted by Lucy. Maybe he was too busy convincing himself that he didn’t feel anything for Dan. He wondered if he could die from sadness, but he realized it wasn’t too outlandish, because Dan had died for love. 

Wait for me, Dan. 

\-----

Medical examinations showed the flowers strangling Dan’s heart were daffodils, a symbol of unrequited love.  
___ 

Two weeks later, Phil is organizing things around the flat he plans to sell, when he finds a letter. 

It’s labeled “For Phil”. Nothing could prepare Phil to read the letter, however if he didn’t open it now, he never would. 

_If you are reading this letter, it means I’m dead. I did not want to tell you, but I’ve spent the past three weeks coughing flower petals. Each day increases the pain in my chest._

__

_I did not want you to worry or blame yourself. I could not force you to love me. That isn’t the way things work and you know it. It was stupid of me to fall in love with you. I knew you would never feel the same. But I couldn’t help myself._

__

__

_Everything eventually caught up to me and I fell. I fell and I couldn’t help it. You, however, stood firmly on the ground until Lucy. Everything was fine until you met her. That was the day I got my first petal. You fell for her, not me, but it’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I don’t want you to blame yourself for my death. It isn’t your fault. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want surgery._

__

__

_I couldn’t have them remove the flower from me and, with it, my feelings for you. I would rather die. Ironically, if you’re reading this, I already have. I couldn’t live near you without the love I have for you._

__

__

_Even though it hurt so much, I should have learned to live with the pain._

__

__

_My heart beats for you, Phil. Without feelings for you, life would not be worth it. I just want to say that I am so sorry for being so stupid and reckless. I love you. Just know I love you, Phil, more than anything in the entire world. I am more than happy to die for this, for you. I don’t want you to worry about me. I am okay. I am good._

__

__

_Please remember me, Phil. If you do, everything I have suffered will be worth it._

__

__

_Take care of yourself,  
_Dan.__

**Author's Note:**

> please read Future_he4rts 's fic, the original! all creativity goes to her!  
> ['Cause You're My Flower](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13406583)
> 
> -lily


End file.
